This time it hit me like a ton of bricks…it was nothing short of the Holy Spirit moving me to take action. The next week, my very supportive husband (who, by the way, spent many years trying to help me), and I consulted a trusted therapist in the field who shared some scary, but necessary news. “You have to go away, Marybeth, for a long while; somewhere you can get comprehensive, 24-hour treatment. This can’t be done at home,” she said. “If you had cancer or diabetes, you wouldn’t question the need for treatment, and this disease is no different.”
Marybeth before treatment
After researching facilities around the country, I found one in my own backyard: Tapestry, a residential program right here in Brevard. At Tapestry, I got intensive nutrition and therapy; I learned to enjoy food again, how to plan meals. I learned that I am worthy. I learned to live again. My time there was indescribable, what I learned there was priceless, and the people, staff, and fellow residents were my lifesavers.
Seven weeks of residential, five weeks of day program, and 25 pounds later, I am home facing the real world. Don’t get me wrong, none of the stressors are gone. The housework still awaits, as does my job and a society where dients and competitive exercise are the norm. But I am different. I am healthy, not just in my body, but in my mind. I have an outpatient team behind me, coping skills, and most importantly, I have a family that loves me, friends that support me, and I have my spirit back - the one that was buried so many years ago.
Please let me be clear, I am no poster child for recovery. This is a struggle everyday. Lapses happen, but I can’t beat myself up for that. All I can do, all any of us can do, is take it one day at a time, be mindful of our blessings, and know we are worthy.
So whatever it is that keeps your spirit from coming alive - don’t let it kill you. Use it to make you stronger. In the end, it is worth the fight.